Michael Shulman
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Despite its recent successes at negotiating new contracts and its refusal, so far, to accept government funds, when General Motors (NYSE: GM) goes into Chapter 11, Ford (NYSE: F) will have to do the same to remain competitive.

Given the ferocity of this downturn, if it didn't accept government handouts, it would probably end up in some form of forced re-organization anyway.

Real shareholder value: zero

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

This is a ridiculous company with an even more ridiculous management group. General Motors' (NYSE: GM) cars are mediocre, its union contracts are incredibly extravagant in a brutally competitive industry, and management seems to think we are still in the 1950s.

Recently, the company's auditors raised even more concerns about the automaker's ability to survive without more loans from the government.

GM's own forecast assumes survival based on a car market that is larger in 2013 than it was in 2006. Yeah, right.

True shareholder value: zero

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

Wells Fargo (NYSE: WFC) CEO John Stumpf drank from the same watercooler as Bank of America's (NYSE: BAC) Ken Lewis when he bought Wachovia and its $70 billion-plus in option ARMs.

It will survive, but it has no room to grow due to upcoming write-offs -- three to five years' worth at a minimum.

Real shareholder value: a lot less than the current stock price

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

This may be the first place you read about JPMorgan Chase (NYSE: JPM) being a zombie.

It speaks, and occasionally thinks, but it holds toxic mortgages, specifically something called option adjustable-rate mortgages (ARMs), it acquired when it bought Washington Mutual.

The company's ability to grow will be constrained for three to five years minimum.

True shareholder value: considerably less than its current price

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

I lump these zombies -- our first zombies -- together because everyone else does.

You and I are now the proud owner of these lifeless monsters, which have hundreds of billions of dollars in obligations on mortgages of declining quality.

What's more, for political reasons, their future will not be resolved for several years.

True shareholder value: zero

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

Citigroup (NYSE: C) has more toxic assets than the landfills around the New Jersey Turnpike. Its balance sheet is a wreck, and its off-balance sheet assets of mostly unknown quality are up to $1.2 trillion.

The government is the largest shareholder in the company, and Citi will eventually have to break itself up, a process that began with the placement of its brokerage arm into a joint venture with Morgan Stanley (NYSE: MS).

True shareholder value: zero

Michael Shulman is a contributor to InvestorPlace.com.

In the past year, Bank of America (NYSE: BAC) CEO Ken Lewis lost his mind and bought not just failed mortgage company Countrywide, but failing investment bank Merrill Lynch, killing his shareholders and turning his company into the largest zombie bank around.

Forget his bravado -- the company has huge problems and is fast becoming a ward of the state.

True shareholder value: maybe a buck

Michael Shulman is a contributor to InvestorPlace.com.

AIG (NYSE: AIG) is being kept alive because of huge obligations created through derivatives it sold. And this once-great insurance company is now being broken up, limb by limb.

The eventual taxpayer loss could endow enough colleges to permanently create half a million tuition-free slots for students or pay for health insurance for every American doing without.

True shareholder value: zero

Michael Shulman is a contributor to InvestorPlace.com.

Right now there are few things scarier than the post-market report on CNBC. It's almost like watching a horror movie.

And I've got some zombie stocks that you need to stay far, far away from.

A zombie is a dead person brought back to life without speech (keep quiet or you don't get any TARP money) or free will (Uncle Sam is now the largest shareholder).

Since they are not traveling as much, Americans are "cocooning" -- they always do so during crises.

The term cocooning, invented by a woman with the wonderful name of Faith Popcorn, means people stay at home, entertaining, hanging out, and doing whatever with friends and family.

So people will be watching more movies at home.

Netflix Inc. (NASDAQ: NFLX) is the ultimate cocooning play on the need for many to rent rather than buy DVDs -- especially the new high-definition Blu-ray DVDs.

Take a look at all four Wall Street Presidents Day sales.

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

Since most of the Pittsburgh and Arizona fans who are going to the game will drive -- Pittsburgh fans in their SUVs, Arizona fans in their RVs, avoiding tolls the whole way -- take a look at shorting travel sites.

Think about it.

My guess is that when you need to travel, you probably go to a travel site, find the flight, and then book it on the airline's sites because it's easier and cheaper to change your flight than it is with an online travel service.

Furthermore, not that many people are flying.

Take a look at shorting Expedia (NASDAQ: EXPE). It's a great site -- I use it all the time. But if you want to make money on the stock, short it.

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

In an economy like this, is anyone going to the game?

Yes -- but Pittsburgh people will stay in their cars (hotels are too expensive), and the Arizona people will stay in foreclosed houses (so they should feel right at home).

Speaking of hotels -- short 'em.

I received an e-mail from the Mirage in Las Vegas to come out to watch the Super Bowl for $69 a night.

Last time I was there for the Super Bowl, maybe 15 years ago, it was about $400 a night.

The Mirage is owned by MGM Mirage (NYSE: MGM), which is hovering at a technical support price. Once it breaks through, look out.

I'm not traveling to Tampa or Las Vegas -- I'm staying at home for the big game. And I'm shorting MGM.

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

The epicenter of everything -- the credit crisis, financial crisis, economic crisis and crisis of confidence -- is housing.

Not just bad mortgages, but a continuing fall in housing prices -- already down 20% with another 15%-20% to go.

Yup, it is not close to being over. Home sales continue to fall, inventories are equal to more than a year of sales, and the vast majority of new mortgages being applied for as interest rates fall are for refinancings.

Be sure to read all 7 reasons the stock market isn't going up any time soon.

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

Subprime mortgage defaults peaked and will slowly begin to slide during the next two years.

But don't get excited -- option ARMs and ALT-A mortgages are now beginning to rise at a very rapid rate. According to analysts I follow, notably Ivy Zelman, the next tsunami will be larger than the one we just went through.

And the banks are not currently valuing these mortgages as if they will default at this rate.

Be sure to read all 7 reasons the stock market isn't going up any time soon.

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.

Yes, you may hear that the corporate bond market is breathing again and the exotic "TED spread" -- the difference between T-Bill and LIBOR rates -- is shrinking, but no one is lending money to anyone and confidence is non-existent.

Recently the entire country of Spain (meaning Spanish national debt) was put on credit watch due to deteriorating economic conditions.

Remember, the Wall Street Crash of 1929 and the Great Depression (I am not forecasting either one, by the way) started at a medium-sized bank in Austria, not on Wall Street or in London.

Credit markets are not only frozen because we don't know what is on the banks' balance sheets; they are also frozen because banks are repairing their own balance sheets by hoarding capital.

Be sure to read all 7 reasons the stock market isn't going up any time soon.

Michael Shulman is a contributor to OptionsZone.com.